I struggled thinking about how I wanted to approach this topic.
Option 1 – I write about it in a way that is me deflecting from something that might be a real problem with random musings that probably aren’t funny but make me do that “exhale forcefully from your nose” kind of laugh.
Option 2- I treat it seriously and open myself up so people can have an insight into my thoughts. That is not fun for a person known for his lack of emotion (see my previous blog post about me congratulating my burglar (it still counts as link economy if I link to my own writing, right Ian?))
So the natural conclusion to that was that I write both. This is the first one.
I think the inspiration for this probably came around the time the Bob Friend nominees got announced. I was pretty bummed that my name wasn’t there. But then I realised it was ridiculous to feel bad about something I didn’t care too much for in the first place. I’ll be honest, I don’t really know who Bob Friend is. I gather he’s a journalist, but that’s about the limit of my knowledge. Pretty much the only reason I applied was because I was told you could stay in some awesome hotels, paid in full by Sky. That sounded like a really cool opportunity. The month internship probably wouldn’t have been too bad either.
It was that moment that made me re-evaluate what I was doing. Because it was clear from my lack of passion towards it that a career in journalism wasn’t what I really wanted. In truth, I’ve had thoughts of dropping out for a while. Probably since the first couple of weeks of first year. But at that point, you sum it up to uni being a new experience. I thought that once I’d settled in, everything would be fine. Well, it was now a year and a half later, I was thoroughly settled, and I still wanted to leave.
I think my real problem is that journalism isn’t a good fit. It just doesn’t capture me. That being said, I don’t think the course is bad. Except for the NCTJ, that can go do one. Seriously, does anyone else see the similarities between the methodology of the NCTJ and a cult?
Do you want a place in the journalism industry? The only way to do that is to get your NCTJ qualification! Oh, you have that already? Well, that’s just the first step, what you really need is the Gold Standard, that’ll get you in the door! Wait, you have that as well? Ah, well congratulations on making it to Level 2, but that’s not good enough, because you really need the NQJ to be taken seriously! - Here, have all my money, where do I sign up?
Now some may say “Jay, that’s how life works, it’s a series of higher qualifications to show people of what you are capable of”. To those people I would say “Shut up, don’t think about it too much”.
So why haven’t I dropped out already then? Well, I’m a bit of a serial procrastinator, as shown by the fact that I’m only writing this properly now. Clearly, I’m so good at procrastinating that I keep putting off what is probably one of the most important decisions in my life. You know how gamblers keep gambling unsuccessfully for a really long time because they feel like they’re due a win soon. That’s me! I’m the gambler! I’m two years and somewhere in the range of £30,000 into this university slot machine, so I’d feel too bad backing away from it now. It might seem like that analogy doesn’t hold up too well because I don’t really come across as the biggest risk-taker, but y’know, I’m kind of gambling with my life and general state of happiness. If anyone thinks they can show me higher stakes than that, then be my guest.
I’m not actually gambling with just a bunch of false hope, I am trying to get my life in some kind of order. I’m trying to figure out what I want to do. But I am holding out for a big spin. I’m sure everything will work out in the end.
In the words of one of my favourite artists, I got two versions. Here’s the other one.